This piece was inspired by the first line of Abba’s “the winner takes it all”. I have used it as my starting off point but unlike the song, about seeing someone who has hurt you, my main character is the one who did the hurting. I hope you like it, and please feel free to comment weather you can relate, have praise or have constructive criticism 🙂 …
I don’t wanna talk about things we’ve gone through. I thought I did. I would rehearse with the version of you in my mind what I would say. I wanted to tell you everything; explain why I did what I did; apologize.
And now here I am face to face with you after so long. A chance encounter. My chance to talk and I’m struck dumb. Too chicken shit to finally have my say and ask for forgiveness. Caught off-guard, thinking you were out of my life, never to come back; the ghost of my mind out in the world for everybody to see. When our eyes meet, all I can do is smile sheepishly. I’m scared to confront our past. Everything I thought about saying, I don’t want to say anymore. I want you to know how sorry I am; that I’m ok and hope you are too, but I can’t bring myself to speak out loud. My rapidly beating heart turning my body weak as I stand and look at you. It’s all I can do.
I feel my present, dragging me away from you, my past. I walk away so freely but constantly looking back. It’s too easy to say nothing. And as I walk away, I secretly hope you will come after me, force me to confront you.
Maybe it is for the best that I walk away though, that the past stays in the past. I don’t want to relive it; I don’t want to talk about the things we have gone through.